Location Report: The Biltmore in Asheville, NC

For us, when we think about destination weddings, they are usually intimate gatherings on some beach somewhere. However, one of the nicest wedding destinations we’ve seen recently is The Biltmore in Asheville, North Carolina.

We went to The Biltmore in Asheville for some personal relaxation time, but while we were there, we observed several weddings. It dawned on us – wow! This place makes a great wedding destination.

The Inn on Biltmore Estate makes the perfect home base for your wedding. It’s on the property, offers stunning views of the Great Smokey Mountains, has several nice restaurants and offers all the amenities you’ll need for your wedding. The hotel is rather large, but has a quaint charm since it is decorated in this French renaissance style. The staff is quite friendly and attentive.

The Biltmore House is the main event. This was originally the Vanderbilt Family’s country estate and they advertise it as America’s Largest Mansion. It is a huge mansion, meticulously maintained and thoughtfully presented. As we took the tour, we were able to look out onto the grounds and noticed there were several weddings going on. It dawned on us – this is a very romantic spot for a destination wedding.

For your ceremony and reception, there are a number of locations on the property – the lawn in front of the house (where the Biltmore serves as the backdrop), a terrace just off the house (looking out on the Great Smokey Mountains) or down in the Walled Garden (where you are surrounded by immaculate gardens and millions of flowers).

There is one downside to a destination wedding at the Biltmore – it doesn’t appear that they close down part of the facility for you. So, as you’re getting ready for your wedding, you could have tourists gawk at you (just as we gawked at folks on our visit).

Now, fair warning, we have no idea on the expense of a destination wedding at the Biltmore. I’m betting those weddings cost a pretty penny. They are gorgeous, but surely expensive. They have a wedding website, but it doesn’t have much information on it.

For the day after your wedding, consider having a brunch for you and all your guests at the Deerpark Lodge on the Biltmore property. They serve a decadent brunch in charming converted stable. It’s both rustic and sophisticated.

The Biltmore Estate is a wonderfully beautiful place and would be a romantic place for you to tie the knot.

Dance Lessons

It’s your wedding and you want to put your best foot forward. It will be more fun for you and your guests if you feel really comfortable on the dance floor.

We are not big dancers, so we did not do dance lessons prior to our wedding. While we danced a little at our wedding, I think we would have danced more had we felt more comfortable.

As our friends have gone through the wedding process, many of them have opted for lessons. There is a proliferation of dance studios like the Fred Astaire Dance Studio and independent studios that can provide dance instruction at relatively reasonable rates. Make sure you tell your instructor about your destination wedding plans so you can receive instruction in local dances.

Dance lessons are one more thing for you to consider in your wedding planning process.

Wedding Wine Choices

Wedding wine and cocktail selections are not something you usually have control over. However, cocktail and spirit selections are a reflection of your personality. This is a point that you should try to negotiate with your venue.

For wedding wines, try to find something unusual and memorable (both for you and your guests). Many venues will give you one white and one red. Your will be a chardonnay (maybe a pinot grigio if you're really lucky). Your red will be a merlot or possibly a Cabernet Sauvignon. These wines are the same ones that are served at nearly every event known to man - from boring work receptions to the woman down the street's wedding. Not very fun, creative or inviting. Why not spice things up a bit? Or at least dare to be different!

We’re white wine drinkers, but are on an ABC kick (“anything but chardonnay”). Consider a Riesling (Chateau Ste Michelle from the U.S. or just about any riesling wine from the Mosel-Saar region in Germany) or a Gewurztraminer.

Instead of champagne, find a different sparkling white wine. We’re big fans of Prosecco and Franciacorta from Italy. (see Wedding Toast, Part I).

On the red wine front, why not a nice Côtes du Rhône or Chianti?

Finally, if you’re having a tropical destination wedding, consider doing cocktails instead of wines (your venue will definitely accommodate this, and frankly will love you for it…they make more money). We did this for our wedding and opted for Pina Coladas and Bahama Mamas.

Reception Seating Anxiety

There are few things that can cause more drama and angst than seating arrangements for the wedding reception. It’s a balancing act that can require tact, diplomacy and hard choices—especially if you have family drama.

We’ve seen a number of approaches that have worked well. If it is a larger sized wedding, you can assign guests to a table and then let them chose their own seats. If you have a mid-size wedding, you might assign seats at all the tables.

For us, we selected one very large family-size table (for about 20 people), but had reserved seating and name cards for the guests to find their assigned seats. This mixed up our families (and ensured the bride’s parents, no divorced, were not seated together).

Image source: http://www.imagebridal.com/starfish.html

Venting on Wedding Etiquette

There’s the tendency for the wedding couple to become so self-absorbed and consumed with the details that skip on etiquette. This is bad form…

We were recently invited to a wedding that starts at 4:00pm on a Saturday. The reception starts at 6:30pm and there is NO dinner! Only appetizers. Now we can graze with the best of them, but it really is bad form not to have a dinner.

To top it off, we only received the wedding invitation three weeks before the actual wedding. (We’d received a save the date about 6 months out)

Folks, have some courtesy. Think about your wedding as if you are attending it as a guest. Think about what you would expect. Your guests are giving up a lot to be there with you and share in your special day. Show them some respect.

10 Things Your Wedding Planner Won’t Tell You

An article by Renee DeFranco in Smart Money called “10 Things Your Wedding Planner Won’t Tell You” really caught our eye!

You can read the full article, but here are the 10 things with our commentary:

1. “Something old, something new – and everything over the top.”—This is the bigger-is-better idea. Although, the article seems to paint the need for a wedding planner as a negative. We don’t see it that way. We’re busy professionals and needed the help.
2. “You say you need a reference? Well, you’re looking at her.”—This one is true. We found a number of self-proclaimed wedding planners. Some seemed great. Others just seemed clueless.
3. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you calm, cool and oblivious.”—This is the best. A good wedding planner can insulate you from the drama. Chances are good, there will be enough drama (between families, etc.)…you really don’t need any more.
4. “I won’t necessarily be there on your big day.”—And this is a big mistake. If your planner intends to phone it in, find another planner. And “venue coordinators” were completely worthless for us. Venue coordinators were the whole reason we hired a planner in the first place. We were going to a luxury destination thousands of miles away, we couldn’t hold their hand.
5. “Congratulations, Gloria and Bill…um, I mean Marcia and Tom”—There’s no getting around the revolving door, especially at destination resorts. However, you planner should absolutely focus on you and make sure the resort does. Again, another vote against venue coordinators and for wedding planners.
6. “Mixed marriage? Ka-ching!”—This is interesting, but wasn’t really relevant. We are from very different religious backgrounds, but religion wasn’t very important to us. However, it may be different for you.
7. “The early bride gets the worm.”—This is where traditional weddings and destination weddings differ. In the destination world, planners and venues don’t really want to work with you over a year in advance. We found one that did. We were worried when she seemed a little unresponsive a few months out, but needed to take a few deep breaths and realize she does this all the time. We’re glad we relaxed!
8. “Getting married in Hawaii? I’ll bring the suntan lotion!”—Destination weddings are big business. This one discusses hiring planners local to you to plan the destination event—not really a good idea. Find a planner that is local to the destination since they will have the contacts. Also, there is a flawed premise here that destination weddings are somehow more expensive. We could not disagree more!
9. “Custom silk wedding fans, anyone?”—Sure there are vendors who will try to push stuff on you. There always are. You still need to make the event your own.
10. “You don’t really need me.”—True, you don’t NEED a wedding planner. But it sure made our lives easier.

This short little article is well worth the read!

The Wedding Toast, Part II

The wedding toast is an integral part of the wedding reception. The toast is the opportunity for all guests to raise their glasses, join with you and extend their wishes to you for a long, happy and prosperous life.

In The Wedding Toast, Part I, we discussed the various beverages that could be used for a destination wedding toast.

However, the couple will also have to make the decision who they want to do the wedding toast. Traditionally, the toast is usually done by the Maid of Honor and the Best Man. For us, our wedding was a bit less traditional. We had toasts from the grandmother of the bride, the father of the bride, the sister of the bride, the brother of the groom and the best man. Five toasts are a bit much. You really should try to only have two or three.

However, it is best if you let those who will be making the wedding toast know well in advance. We did not do this and had some interesting toasts! (more like a roast!)

Do not underestimate the importance of the wedding toast, since it will be one of the most memorable parts of your wedding day!

Wedding Toast, Part I

The wedding toast, traditionally with champagne, leaves other options for couples having destination weddings. Sure, you can stay traditional and have a champagne toast. Or you can spice things up a bit.

At our destination wedding, guests could choose between Bahama Mamas, Pina Coladas or Goombay Smashes. These proved to be wildly successful. Most of the guests made a full tour, sampling each of the three specialty cocktails.

If you want a more traditional toast with bubbly, but without the bite or dry taste of champagne, another suggestion could be Italian Prosecco or Franciacorta (which are both white sparkling wines, but are milder than French champagne). We became big fans of Franciacorta when we toured the Berlucchi winery in northern Italy in May.

You can also do both—have specialty cocktails throughout the reception and dinner, while saving a nice Prosecco for a formal toast.

A final word on wedding toasts – Regardless of which beverage you chose for your wedding, please use crystal or real glass. Nothing says tacky like those plastic champagne flutes. Yes, even if you are having a beach wedding, use real glass. Most caterers can accommodate glass for the wedding toast and use plastic for everything else.

Advanced Topics – The Welcome Back Reception

One of the drawbacks to a destination wedding is the necessity of limiting the guest list. There will be friends and family members who are not able to attend your wedding for personal or financial reasons.

For this reason, many couples limit the number of attendees at their destination wedding to a very small number. And then when they come home, their friends or families throw a small welcome back reception.

For us, it was difficult to have all of our family involved. The groom has a very large family in the Midwest and it was not practical to invite them to the wedding. Instead, his family welcomed us back with a reception over the 4th of July weekend with about 50 people in attendance. It was really more like a family picnic with good conversation (4-8pm, with BBQ sandwiches, coleslaw, etc.) than a formal wedding reception.

For those who could not attend our wedding, it was a nice way for us to share our joy with our family in a casual setting at home.