A Wedding Gift

In this age of couple’s paying for their own weddings, you don’t have a lot of excess money. We had agreed on not buying each other a present for our actual wedding day. One of us lived up to that agreement…

Mr. groom thought a surprise gift would make his bride happy. He brought (and snuck in his luggage) a beautiful pair of black Tahitian pearl earrings from Nordstrom’s for a wedding day surprise.

Doing something nice for each other on your wedding day is important! Even if it is a card, you should do something to start your new lives off on the right foot. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just meaningful.

Tradtions at a non traditional wedding

This summer I have an amazing wedding in the works with a non-traditional couple. At our last meeting, there was quite the discussion over cutting the cake. Something along the lines of, "Why are we having a wedding cake if we aren't having a tradtional wedding?" This lead to a few more similar questions all leading to the same general question, "Can you still incorporate wedding traditions at a non tradtional wedding?"

My answer? Absofreakinglutely.

If you love the look of the chuppah, but you're having a non-denominational wedding, use the chuppah. Why not? They do look pretty don't they?

If you're having a commitment ceremony & reception- you can still call it a wedding and you can still have a wedding cake, and still have the traditional cutting of the cake.

Some wedding "rules" truly are outdated. Plan the wedding you want- not the wedding that was appropriate 60 years ago. While some etiquette and traditional elements shouldn't be disturbed, I think its great to allow some leeway here!

Interns needed

This might be my craziest post ever, but here it goes. I am looking for 2 new interns. If sincerely interested, please send your resume to my gmail address...which is weddingtidbits@

Those who are not serious about wedding planning need not apply. Those who can't fathom working 16 hours straight on occassion and STILL being cheerful just because you love weddings that much, you shouldn't apply either. Nope, not kidding.

Please please do not call the office.

Marriott Frenchman’s Reef, St. Thomas

I found an interesting YouTube video that I thought I would share.

The video is essentially a 1 ½ minute infomercial for the Marriott Frenchman’s Reef in St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands. However, the wedding director there, Norma Kennedy, offers a couple of suggestions that are worth your time in watching the short video.

Namely, she counsels:

• Get the right person at the hotel
• Hotel must have a dedicated area for weddings

She also notes that the trend in destination weddings is being driven by economics. According to Kennedy, and depending on the time of year, couples can have their wedding and honeymoon at the resort for under $2,000.

Early on in the process, Marriott Frenchman’s Reef was one of our leading contenders. However, given where a lot of our guests were coming from (Texas and Colorado), the travel became quite expensive to get to the Virgin Islands.

The full Norma Kennedy video is on YouTube:

Our Policy on Vendor Reviews

As we start to review more vendors and companies, we thought it would be worthwhile to briefly discuss our policy.

• We’re not wedding planners.
• We don’t sell destination weddings.
• We don’t have a financial interest in whatever you choose to do for your down destination wedding.
• We’re just an ordinary couple sharing what we learned planning our destination wedding.
• We do accept suggestions on vendors and locations to review from readers of this blog.

If we are ever given something in consideration for a review (i.e., free anything – hotel stay, trip, book…anything), we will disclose that. We don’t say nice things about companies just because they give us free stuff or pay us.

I cried 4 times this week

I know, I cry alot. But I cried for good reasons.
1. My dad got engaged and he asked me to plan his wedding. I am beyond excited. This past weekend I went to go find their venue. We had a blast.
2. I got the most wonderful voicemail from a bride I hadn't talked to in forever. She was a bridesmaid in a wedding and had to do a ridiculous amount of work at the wedding, chasing down a dj when suddenly there was no music playing and dealing with a snooty egomaniac photographer. Truly, it was the nicest most heartwarming voicemail I've ever received, and it made me sob.
3. Mail stops are always fun. I love to get the save the dates and invitations my clients send me. But even more, I love when they send me notes and cards. This week I got a card from Sarah & Billy who got married in '05. Man I miss them! So much so, I started crying in the post office. Actually, it was the aka Billy used- it brought back the most hilarious memories from one of their planning trips. Bobby Frapples...you had to be there.
4. My laptop crashed. BAD BAD BAD. Hence 3 days straight of crying.

The Atlantis (a video)

We found this YouTube video on The Atlantis resort. It does a great job of providing an accurate accounting of the resort and showing the pretty scenery. (It’s kind of infomercial for our tastes) Sure sounds appealing, doesn’t it?

It’s from a Canadian outfit called Romantic Planet. To be fair, nowhere in the video do they show a destination wedding at Atlantis in progress (something we had the opportunity to see). We didn’t find much, if anything, about The Atlantis to be romantic with all the young, screaming ultra-entitled children running around. (See previous post Our Honeymoon – The Atlantis) Although, we thought we would post this video here to give you some balance.

At the end of the video, Romantic Planet makes an excellent point – there are many islands in the Bahamas and you can surely find one your speed. For us, we were on our honeymoon and we wanted to enjoy each other (it’s a honeymoon after all). However, if you are the kind of people that need things to do and stuff to buy, go to Atlantis. However, if you can create your own romance by long moonlight walks on the beach, followed by cocktails and then heading back to your suite, you should probably look someplace else.

Engagement Gifts for Men

As the courtship comes to a close, it ends with a proposal of marriage. As a symbol of his love (and honoring tradition), the man presents a diamond engagement ring (thereby keeping the DeBeers cartel happy).

But what does the husband get? What does the future bride offer her future husband?

In our family (and in many others), shortly after engagement, the woman purchases a nice watch for the husband. These are luxury watches, not a mall special.

For us, we fancied luxury, automatic watches. Watches like Patek, IWC and others are super high-end…and out of our budget. We determined that Raymond Weil (Don Giovanni line) offered the nicest watch at a mid-level price.

The watch is a tradition in our family going back generations. You should decide what you will do for your tradition.

Cynthia+Derek=Gorgeous

From the bedroom to the bathroom...Cynthia and Derek's YOU+ME session was a little different than our normal portrait shoot. But we knew any friends of the sexy & fabulous Louise+Ben would be up for anything. And besides, it was waaaay too cold and icky to go outside!

So instead we hung out in their room at the Opus hotel. It was obvious these guys love to have fun together...



And just as obvious they are totally in love.

Cynthia is simply stunning.



Like I said, they like to be silly together!

I love this shot with the tilt-shift: sexy & serene.

Next it was a change of clothes & few quick shots in the bar.

But there were lots of lookie-loos (granted it's hard not to stare at this gorgeous couple!) so we decided to hide down in the bathroom. Which just happens to be the most excellent bathroom for gorgeous couple photos :).



Yes, we were totally feeling the reflections.

Thanks for turning a cold rainy day into a fun creative adventure guys! Hope you had a blast in Whistler!

DeBeers Settles Lawsuit

If you bought diamonds in the United States, you may be entitled to money back.

This covers anyone who purchases a diamond in the U.S. from January 1, 1994 to March 31, 2006. It covers engagement rings, wedding bands, pave watches, earrings…anything with diamonds. The deadline to file a claim to be in the class action lawsuit is May 19, 2008. The final hearing for the case is April 14, 2008, so hopefully payments will be made shortly after that.

For more info, visit the class action lawsuit website.

Just another day at the office...

The Martha Stewart Show A Wedding show!

I got cool news in my inbox tonight. This Friday (1/18), the Martha Stewart show will be all wedding. Yahoo! I'll be out on Captiva meeting with clients when its on, but you betcha I'll have the tivo set to record this one. Two Badgley Mishka fashion shows are planned, one with wedding dresses and another for their bridesmaids dress line. I'd take any of them- the preview looks really good (check the Martha website to watch the preview). Also planned for the show- the good stuff, aka cake and dessert. Oh, and it wouldn't be a wedding show without Darcy Miller!

Ooooh, if you haven't read the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Weddings- you're missing out. It's one of the best yet. How do I know? I folded down the corners on more than half the editorial pages. That translates to a whole bunch of stuff I'm dying to try.

More Top 10 Destination Wedding Tips

Destination I Do, one of the destination wedding magazines out there, has a really good article that is a “must read” for anyone planning destination weddings – their Top 20 Do’s and Don’ts of Destination Weddings.

Below is their list of Top 10 Destination Wedding "Dont’s," but the commentary is ours:

1. Sweat the small stuff – Quoting from Destination I Do, they say, “Things may go wrong with a hometown wedding or a destination wedding. Make sure to keep it all in perspective and enjoy the process every step of the way.”
2. Wait to the last minute to send your invitations – This is really important. We sent out Save the Dates about 8 or 9 months in advance and then sent out invites out about 3 months in advance.
3. Assume people know where they are going – OMG. Seriously. This is so true. Laura’s grandmother gave the invite to her travel agent. Instead of getting tickets to Grand Bahama Island, the travel agent booked them into Nausau. Once your guests arrive in the location, they will also need directions (either actual directions or explanations about getting cabs or ground transportation).
4. Expect too much of others – Quoting again from Destination I Do, “Sure it’s ‘your big day’ but know that your bridesmaids, groomsmen and family members are not your temporary slaves. Sure you can expect them to help out, but keep it realistic, give others duties you know they can handle, yet still allow them the ability to enjoy your event too.”
5. Let “Aunt Flow” pay you a visit – Proper planning will help you avoid PMS and menstruation during your wedding.
6. Leave guests hanging – Have some activities for your guests, but don’t dominate their time. (See A Mini-Vacation for your Guests and Our Destination Wedding)
7. Expect that everyone will come – This is very true. Remember, you are asking a lot of your guests. It’s a major expense and time out of people’s lives. Be understanding if not everyone can make it.
8. Forget to check the average traffic flow in the area you will be saying “I Do” – Location, Location, Location. It’s really important to try and do a location visit so you can see the layout.
9. Choose a dress because of what is “IN” – Enough said on this one.
10. Haul your dress around with you on your honeymoon – This is helpful, but not critical. For us, we did carry the dress on the honeymoon. We live away from our families and guests, so we had nobody to bring it back for us. We carried it with us without incident. (See The Dress)

For the list of Top 10 Destination Wedding "Do" Tips, see Top 10 Destination Wedding Tips.

The full article from Destination I Do is worth the read.

Top 10 Destination Wedding Tips

Destination I Do, one of the destination wedding magazines out there, has a really good article that is a “must read” for anyone planning destination weddings – their Top 20 Do’s and Don’ts of Destination Weddings.

Below is their list of Top 10 Destination Wedding Do’s, but the commentary is ours:

1. Select a destination that is easy to get to – This is key to making life easy for you and your guests. We covered this in Advanced Topics – Airfare Considerations.
2. Carry on your dress – This is critical. We found the flight attendents to be very accommodating to our requests. (See The Dress)
3. Create a wedding web site for your guests – For destination weddings, this is extremely helpful for your guests and can also be a lot of fun! (See Customized Wedding Websites and Wedding Websites, Part 2)
4. Find local favors and gifts for your guests – We not really a fan of “favors” per se because they just seem very cheap. However, we are big fans of themed out of town gift bags. (See Out-of-Town Bags)
5. Research the marriage requirements before you select your destination – This should probably be your starting point, even before picking a destination or researching travel. (See First things First – Is it legal?)
6. Hire a professional wedding planner – And hire a professional local wedding planner. If it makes sense, also investigate the possibility of a wedding planner that is not affiliated with the hotel. This assures you get the best advice possible. (See Covering the basics – Hiring a local wedding planner)
7. Hire a professional photographer and bring them with you – This is something you should consider, but was one of our most hotly debated topics of our entire wedding planning process. Ultimately, we did decide to be bring our own. (See Covering the basics – Photographer)
8. Take a scouting trip prior to the big day – We’ve covered this in previous postings. It’s an extra expense, but is well worth it!
9. Call hotels to see if you can negotiate group discounts – Ultimately, this wasn’t very fruitful for us. We had a small destination wedding (22 guests in about 14 rooms).
10. Create an event that is unique to you and your fiancé – This is the best advice. It’s your wedding. Do what you want.

The next Top 10 tips are coming soon.

The full article from Destination I Do is worth the read.

Onsite coordinators vs. Independent PlannersExplaining the HUGE difference

I had 12 minutes before my clients were due to arrive at the florist on Friday, so I was really excited to take advantage of the time and read the new In Style Weddings. It's a great magazine, and their new wedding website is supposed to be launching soon. Anyhoo, I get to the etiquette secion and here's what I read,

"I'm having a destination wedding at a venue that employs an in-house planner, and she hasn't consulted me on some decisions. How should I handle this?"

While the answer given was good, it was very much incomplete. Here's why; the answer didn't explain that perhaps what the bride was expecting the planner to do, wasn't at all her job. You see, an onsite (or in-house) planner is typically only responsible for things that happen onsite and that are relative to the site and its staff- and NOTHING else.
So, then what's the difference? I'm going to clear this up once and for all. The best way to find out what exactly your "included" planner will do...ask. Here are a few really good questions. And yes, the crazy seeming ones, I have actually had to do.
"Hello Onsite Planner (insert name here)! I have a few questions for you. Yes or no answers please."

"Will you...

1. Call all the vendors on your preferred vendors list and see if they are available for my wedding and in my budget? And if not, will you get me 3 more options who are?
2. Create a budget for me for everything wedding day related?
3. Write and hand out both wedding party and guest list itineraries?
4. Compile all the goodies for the welcome bags and make sure all the hotels get them just before guests arrive?
5. Give me stationary and etiquette advice?
6. Keep my mother at the cocktail hour, far from me during photos, with a full gin and tonic and away from crazy Uncle Steve?
7. Schedule and attend all the vendor meetings with me?
8. Review all the contracts I'll have to sign?
9. Prepare a detailed timeline for my day as well as one for all the vendors working at my wedding?
10. Go out and find my new father-n-law size 12.5 brown leather lace free yet wedding appropriate shoes when his sole falls off during the ceremony and make sure that you're back in time for him to be introduced into the dinner reception?
11. Call and confirm all the vendors have been paid, are going to show up, if they need anything further, and that they do in fact know not to say anything about the surprise grooms cake.
12. Find a replacement tuxedo for the best man the morning of the wedding when it arrives blue and not black?
13. Help me create design options for my wedding?
14. Research and find favors, a unique escort card display and super cool fun things for my guests to do at my wedding?
15. Help me plan a welcome reception, grooms outing, bridesmaids luncheon, and rehearsal dinner? Oh, and a farewell brunch too? Oh, but not all at your site of course.
16. Figure out all the rentals I'll need, order them, and then oversee the installation?
17. Stay for the entire wedding and then check under every single table for lost shoes and purses after everyone leaves?
18. Run the rehearsal?
19. Email me when you find flip flops on clearance at Old Navy and then fight with them until they agree to send all 775 to you, even if it does clean out their stock?
20. Have an emergency kit prepared for me and my bridesmaids?
21. Make sure there are hsopitality baskets in the restrooms?
22. Politely explain to the make-up artist that my eyes look ridiculous so I don't have to feel awkward?"

Here is one thing I want to make perfectly clear- onsite planners or coordinators are wonderful and very helpful and are responsible for an enormous amount of work that you will never even realize. I just feel that its important to know that what an independent wedding planner such as myself does, is not what 95% of onsite planners do...2 different job descriptions. Picture above, me and Jen Dube (onsite planner for Casa Ybel- and she rocks.)

Oh, and the 775 flip flops- the UPS guy thought he had seen it all until that delivery. And my husband, well, he "pointed out the 17 boxes in my living room" every day until we were down to 12 boxes. Now, "Remember when we had 775 flip flops? The 600 left seem like nothing huh?"

Ching+Warren=Radiant

We always love to escape the rain of Vancouver during the cold winter months so we were super-excited to fly off to Aruba to photograph the destination wedding of New Yorkers Ching and Warren.

We had so much fun exploring Oranjestad with them during their YOU+ME pre-wedding session and documenting their ceremony and celebrations on Renaissance Island. Their love for each other was like the Aruba sunshine ~ beautiful, constant, and hot!

Click play below to see some of our favourite spreads from their ever-growing 60-page album.

The 2008 Platinum List

Did you notice the new logo on the top of the left sidebar?

This is pretty exciting news for me. Grace Ormonde Wedding Style. Wow. I absolutely adore this publication and to be a part of it is more than a high point for Weddings by Socialites.
Thank you to all of my amazing clients and all the outstanding wedding professionals I've worked with over the last 7 years who were a part of making Weddings by Socialites what it is today.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hair & MakeupWho would have thought it would be so hard?

Problem: Did I ever tell you about my horrible wedding day makeup? No? First of all, let me say that I didn't have a wedding planner...I didn't know they existed. Had I- my wedding day would have been so great and not the chaotic disaster that it was. Anyway, the spa I went to with my bridal party didn't have the appropriate staffing and I had to get my makeup done at "a counter in the dept. store". I had 1/2 inch thick GRAY foundation on. It was HORRIBLE beyond horrible. The girl actually highlighted a very unfriendly blemish suddenly showed up after the downright mean hairstylist had to CUT MY VEIL to get it around the disaster he called an updo. Don't let this happen to you.

Solution: Book a professional- a trained wedding professional. It won't be cheap, but your veil will be in 1 piece and your face won't be gray either.
It's true. In this area there are just a few really good hair & makeup artists who are top notch talented and reliable who will travel to your getting ready location. And when it comes to weddings, talent and reliability are not flexible terms.
I have been so fortunate to book Nikol and her girls from Fresh Beauty Studio on a few upcoming weddings. They're pretty much booked solid on a regular basis, so yea, I feel lucky when we get them. Whats great about Fresh Beauty Studio is that this is their focus, its what they do, and they do it all the time. These aren't the girls from the kiosk in the food court. Your planner is always the best place to start for referrals, but your photographer may also have recently worked some weddings with an onsite style crew that showed up on time, finished on time, and made all the girls look wedding day gorgeous.

Jenn & John, The Directors Cut

I love video. Special thanks to AMC video, they always take such great care of my clients and make sure I cry every time I see the cut!

Here is Jenn & Johns Directors Cut
I'm still amazed that just 3 weeks after a wedding, they have this edited and online for all to get a sneak peek. So cool. For those who are new to directors cuts, trailers, previews, etc...it's a recap of the wedding set to one song. It's just a little added something that goes a long way. These cuts are in addition to the extended edited video that take months to prepare, they don't replace them!

I can't decide! Band or DJ or both?

This last wedding season we had a new trend emerge- the wedding reception with a band and DJ. Really, I have to admit, I loved it. I thought it was the perfect combination. It came about when my clients simply couldn't decide between the two. Here's why its hard to decide but what can also help you decide.

The thing about a band, is that it's live. There's nothing like live music is there? For example. Everytime you hear that new Gwen Stefani song on the radio in your car you turn it up, 'cause you dig it. Then you hear her sing it live on one of those awards shows, "Oh that was so good!". Last month you went out dancing with the girls and you totally boogied down to it on the dance floor. Last week, she comes in concert- you didn't think it could actually be that good- but it was. On the way home from the concert, you hear pop the cd and you turn the volume way up and listen to it 3 times in a row because now you really love the song.

The advantage of a band is the feeling you get from hearing it live. It's got an entertainment and emotional factor. At your wedding, it's like a private concert with a big ol dance floor. The disadvantage; playlists. A band is limited to what songs they know. That's why its so important that you go through the playlists of bands you're considering and make sure they have lots of songs that you love to dance to.

The advantage of a DJ- any song, any genre, by any artist that you want to hear, when you want to hear it. Kind of like getting the VIP room at your favorite club. The disadvantage, you lose the ambiance of live. But if you think about it- You loved the song when you heard it in your car- and you totally loved dancing to it when you went out that night.

Lastly, the costs. A band (>=4 pieces)is typically,not always, but typically more expensive than a DJ. Costs vary drastically from region to region, so I can't say what you'll find in your area- your planner will guide you in the right direction and let you know what's reasonable. The most important thing to remember- its ultimately the people you invite to your wedding that make it a great affair; not the person(s) playing the music. So make your guest list your priority. After you know who you guests are going to be, make them a part of your decision making process. Do you have a wide age range calling for a plethera of genres? Not every song pleases all, but what pleases the most?

Ok, so how to blend the 2. These days many bands fly on auto dj (aka ipod) during breaks. This is a great time to get in all those songs that you're dying to hear, but the band doesn't play. Just give the band a list of the songs you'd love to hear. Warning! DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try to determine what song gets played when and in what order. Leave this to the professional that you paid for (ahem , the band). They know what songs will work best for your crowd ans schedule it as such.
or
Have the band play the first couple hours (Dinner, traditions, and early dancing)and then break out the DJ for the partying crowd. And by no means am I saying Aunt Ida and Uncle Fred won't love a DJ as much as your cousin Heather. I've seen plenty grandmas get down to Timberland.
Photo Credit: Nick Adams, Impact UK

Bridal Processional Music

In the past, your choice of processional music was Mendelssohn’s Wedding March and Wagner’s Bridal Chorus.

These days, tastes have changed. You have many more options than you used to. More contemporary music choices include:

• Pachelbel’s Canon
• Delibes’ Flower Duet
• Verdi’s March (from Aida)
• Vivaldi Spring (from the Four Seasons)
• Handel’s Hornpipe (from the Water Music Suite)
• Beethoven’s Ode to Joy
• Bach’s Air on the G String

Now, if you have a destination wedding, you may or may not have a procession or music. This is something you need to consider and work trough.

For us, music was very important. We hired a local violinist to play for about a half-hour before the ceremony and about 10 minutes after.

The 2007 Weddings (and a not quite wedding)

Happy New Year! I truly can't believe another year and over a dozen weddings have gone by. I thought a little photo recap of 2007 would be fun:

Not exactly a wedding... (I took this one)
Jen & Chris (Gigi Hamlet photography)
Amanda & John (Impressions Photography)
Vanessa & Greg (Michelle Reed Photography)

Donna & Jim (Cadence Photography)
Traci & Steve (Julie Goodacre Photography)
Susan & Jim (Gigi Hamlet Photography)
Marguerite & Tripp (Julie Goodacre Photography)
Keri & Dustin (Not quite sure who took this!)
Jenn & John (Denise gets credit)
Becky & Mike (Gigi Hamlet Photography)
Rebecca & Marc (Gigi Hamlett Photography)
Susan & Chip (Denise again!)
Gina & Frank (Jim Dean Photography)